Just one word: love. That’s what I discovered to be what moves me. I know it’s kind of a common word. And it can mean a lot of things. Moreover, love has different shapes. Friends love each other, family gives you love, lovers love each other. Well, the real love – which for me is different from friendly or familial affection – is the one loads of poets and writers have always written about and will always do. Apparently, I am not able to actually experience this kind of feeling and my own experience would make anyone else give up and find another thing to let their heart move. Yet, I can’t give it up. I always dream of it. I felt it several – well, actually not several, just kind of a few times. But I am deeply aware of how important it is. I fight for it. I fight to get it. There is just like a problem anyway. You can’t force people to love you back. And then, love is what moves me but also what defeats me all the time. It’s just a positive and a negative feeling. It’s a friend and an enemy. Nowadays, it’s not that easy to find love, the real and true love that I mean. People are too busy to think of how important it is. You can’t live without it. And it’s just such a specific feeling that nothing else could ever ever take its place. There are no friends, no relatives, no parents who can love you as the person who loves you does. Because it’s just a unique kind of love, it’s taking care, comforting, helping, it’s like a spell, like a potion the ingredients of which come from all the other types of love. Oh no, pardon me, of affection. What I always say since I haven’t found it yet is that I’m not living at the moment. I’m just surviving, existing. Love is life. There is a song I learnt last summer which says: “I live to love, I love to live”. Yes, I live to LOVE! That’s it! That’s just my point. I may not have love at hand at the moment but for sure I have it always clearly on my mind, and even if I don’t think about it (because apparently, apart from being incredibly busy, not thinking of it is just the only way to keep on – at least – existing) I do know that THAT is what I’m looking for.
We all have – as another famous song reads – the Godforsaken right to be loved, loved, loved. And I know it can’t be with anyone, and I know me myself I said no. But I know that sometimes it should really be and I’m always astonished by how people are just not able to see that or are too lazy to try! I know I could be wrong, I know that it’s just about more than one person, it’s just about more than me. I perfectly know that. And even if I just thought I had the secret of love right in my hands, I was wrong. I do not know that much about love. I have no experience. But I know I can’t forget it. I try, I just try so hard. But I can’t. And I wait. Patience is needed and what I have to do is waiting. It’ll come to me eventually. And yet, I’m not able to be motionless and watch my existence keeping going not being actually able to do anything better. Now, what does it all mean? I don’t know what all this stuff about love should mean, I just know that I would like to make my life a celebration of it. And what is more, I would like to celebrate the kind of love which to me is the most important and authentic: lovers’ love. It might be banal, silly and naive. But why? Who did say that? Is loving a man/woman naive and silly? Is it tiring? Is it boring? Is it something that may make you feel bad? Yes, sometimes it could be, I perfectly understand that. And sometimes it just doesn’t make you happy as I am convinced it could. And yet, that’s just what I think and what moves me.
This is the result of a creative writing exercise, written on paper yesterday during an English class about text writing. I apologize for any linguistic mistake there may be but it was just a stream of consciousness and I just rewrote what I really think was not acceptable.